I'm doing pretty good today, I'm so happy it's almost over. Thankfully my grades will be much better, like all A's and B's and like one C. I'm mad at LSU though because I went to talk to someone about my financial aid and they were like make sure you fill out your fafsa soon so we don't run out of money so I did it over the weekend and submitted it then I got an e-mail from LSU saying that they got it but that they won't review it or assign me any aid until the end of the year after my final grades so that they can make sure I'm not on 'formal scholastic warning' anymore. Whatever I guess I deserve it for sucking last semester and I should take responsibility, it just sucks because I don't want to have to take out anymore loans.
I think I wanna try and retake chemistry and calculus at BRCC so I can boost my gpa back up. Kayla gave me that idea. I can take it over the summer I just have to wait till I get a car. I wish I had more money saved up, and it sucks because I don't feel like I spend my money frivolously, I don't go shopping or go to the movies, most weekends I'm sit at home watching rented movies with Ethan. and even those rented movies my mom usually pays for because we rent them off the tv and not at blockbuster. O well working this summer should help me make more money so maybe I can get a car soon.
I need to learn not to have expectations when people promise me things, like my mom borrowed $3,000 from me that I got from an insurance settlement after being in that car wreck with Michelle, and like she has said multiple times that she would pay it back, even the most recent time saying when income taxes cam back this year, which hers has and I still haven't gotten any money. I probably shouldn't expect it back because she's my mom and she takes care of me and that money went toward taking care of me and my family but I still want it, I think about the used car it could pay for, or how I could pay off my student loan, how many books it would buy, the semester of school I could put it towards, even the mutual fund I could start investing in. Then like my Aunt Landa said a few months ago she wanted a new car and would give me and Stacie hers and we could either sell it or drive it or whatever but she's never  said anything about it again and I'm not just about to ask her so like can I take your car now? I just wish people wouldn't make promises to me that they aren't gonna keep.
I should be thankful for what I have, the fact that I'm healthy and that I get to go to school. There are so many kids in the world who live in such poverty and never get to go to school. I try and be thankful but it's hard because I'm greedy and I want a car so I can stop bumming rides and maybe go to BRCC for the summer, and I don't want to have to worry about how I'm gonna pay for school and then once I pay for school how much I'm gonna owe in loans.
grrrr I meant this to be a more cheerful post because like all my xanga posts are depressing, but it did feel good to get all this out. I guess a direct solution to my money problem would be to work more but I feel like I work as much as I can and still have time to do school, other people would probably disagree and say that I'm lazy and I guess I am.
I say 'like' far too much, I'm very disappointed in myself

I hate school, it takes up everyone's time and makes them tired, they don't have any time for those they love. I'm stressed out. I feel like a failure. And its not that other people are telling me im a failure bc i could just forget that eventually. Its myself that keeps telling me i'm a failure over and over again.